Mental internal friction
Why is it said that introverts have a high level of mental internal friction?
What is mental internal friction?
In layman's terms, it is the two little people within themselves fighting, internal conflict, heart tired.
I used to be this kind of person.
When I saw this question, I seriously recalled the past, looking for information, organizing, thinking, summarizing, before and after the use of nearly 12 days, to write out this nearly 5000 words complete answer.
I hope you can take your time to read it and it may help you.
First of all, I think that introverts do not necessarily have a high level of mental internal friction.
Rather, people who have high sensitivity and low self-esteem, who have high expectations and strict demands on themselves, but who are not strong in their ability and willingness to express themselves, and who are afraid to fight for their rights and fear conflict and struggle, will have serious internal conflict!
In short, spiritual internal depletion is the result of conflicting internal emotions and multiple interests.
A person with severe internal conflict is likely to be an introvert at the same time.
It could be further argued that introverted and hypersensitive people may have relatively more severe spiritual internal conflict.
First of all, let's see how to properly understand “introversion”.
First:
what is introversion? How to correctly identify whether you are introverted, or extroverted?
Many people's misunderstanding of introversion is: a person's mouth is clumsy, not good at expression, or not much initiative to speak, as if they do not like to talk, it is concluded that this is an introvert.
This is not necessarily the case.
My understanding of introversion: A person who gets more energy from being alone is said to be introverted.
On the other hand, an extrovert is a person who gets more energy from socializing.
Specifically, introversion manifests itself in the following way: Whether a person spends his time alone in a laze, sleeping, watching TV, or reading, studying, or writing in an “independent space”, as long as he does not need to socialize, communicate, compromise, or work face-to-face with other people, and can avoid other people's eyes and immediate evaluation, he can gradually recover from physical and mental fatigue, and gain energy to enhance his energy value.
We'll say it's a relative introvert
And introversion is not permanent, it is the psychological state of a person over a period of time.
Sometimes it is possible for a person to shift from introversion to extroversion, and for an extrovert to shift to introversion.
It is probably due to some significant event or opportunity, or a natural change in one's own state.
Of course, this kind of transformation happens very rarely.
Overall, whether you are introverted or extroverted is generally a relatively stable state.
Comparatively speaking, when an introvert attends a party or gives a speech, he is in a state of depletion of energy, he will feel that his energy level is lowered, and he needs to restore it by resting (being alone).
So an introvert generally cannot participate in social activities too often.
He needs more time to be alone than to attend parties, so that he can ensure that his energy value is full, so that he is in a state of relative mental ease, and can work and live with relative ease.
But in reality, many people don't understand the nature of introverts.
They always think that less initiative to socialize and participate in activities is nerdy, defective, incompetent, and look down on people ....
So parents often take their quiet children to actively greet and perform in front of their friends, hoping to train their children to become positive and sunny 'normal people'.
When introverts grow up, they may also be forced by social, survival and work pressures to participate in gatherings, meetings and socializing that they do not want to be involved in, and a slight overshoot may easily lead to mental internal depletion.
Second:
How do we understand mental internal depletion? What are the dangers of long-term mental internal depletion?
Mental internal depletion refers to the fact that human self-control requires the consumption of mental resources, and when mental resources are insufficient, the individual is in a state of internal depletion.
In layman's terms, when you feel tired not because of physical labor or mental labor, but because of “a subjective mental feeling” that makes you feel tired, then you are in a state of so-called internal depletion.
And long-term internal friction can make people feel tired
For example: often feel tired, feel stressed, but objectively in fact did not do anything; do not know what they want, or sometimes clear what they want, have a direction of effort, but have not acted on the feeling of tiredness.
As well as, get along with people, interpersonal communication or intimate relationship, when the two sides encounter disagreements, you are prone to suspect that the other party does not like you, do not like your ideas, you can not calmly express their own ideas and opinions clearly, but more often choose to sulk, rather than communication and action to resolve conflicts.
These are a kind of consumption and wear and tear of the ego psychology. In the long run it will result in serious mental internal depletion.
Don't underestimate this subjective internal depletion, it actually has a great impact on our health.
On the small side, mental internal depletion will affect people's self-evaluation, willingness to do things and efficiency, quality of sleep, and even insomnia, lack of self-confidence in encountering things, and thus poor performance and missed opportunities.
On the large side, medical psychology research shows that if psychological internal friction exists for a long time, it will cause depression, mental trance or even insanity, and will also lead to a variety of diseases.
The most common are migraine, high blood pressure, ischemic heart disease and other diseases, also have a lot to do with mental internal depletion.
But because this loss is a long-term, subtle process, so, and very easy to be ignored. Therefore, some people call mental internal depletion a “hidden killer”.
Third:
What are the causes of “ mental internal friction”?
The causes of spiritual internal depletion are complex, there are internal and external causes, as well as multiple internal and external factors affecting each other, through personal experience and reflection and summarize the stolen material, the following five most important causes:
1. High sensitivity, low self-esteem, and excessive self-focus
Self-esteem is a person's view of himself/herself as a whole: how we judge or evaluate ourselves, and the value we place on ourselves as human beings. It is the 'backbone' of one's living and is vital to one's psychological survival.
A person with a high level of self-esteem and healthy self-esteem develops a more holistic and balanced view of themselves.
They will not generalize and conclude that “I am bad” just because something is not done well or someone does not like them.
They are able to see their own value, accept both their strengths and weaknesses, know whether they like their true selves or not, and are able to live a more autonomous and relaxed life.
Low self-esteem self-evaluation is negative, a kind of negative beliefs and emotions of not recognizing, accepting and agreeing with oneself, no matter how eye-catching and enviable the person's external accomplishments are, or if he is a silent and ordinary person. In short, this person is very tired, very contradictory, it is easy because one or two things did not do well to feel that he or she can not do anything well, and do not accept their own shortcomings and shortcomings, want to become perfect and absolutely excellent, so the reality is not as good as it is easy to produce self-doubt and self-denial.
High sensitivity, is a person's sensory ability is too strong (genetic traits, acquired basically can not be changed), he can see the people and things around him small changes, fluctuations, to the physical, emotional, social stimuli are unusually sensitive.
If you do not control your sensitivity, the slightest thing can touch his nerves, leading to overthinking.
When high sensitivity collides with low self-esteem, a person will easily develop an inferiority complex and then 'excessive self-focus'.
He will pay too much attention to other people's eyes, too much attention to other people's concern about what he or she is doing, and too much attention to what other people think of him or her.
Often, he will unconsciously think:
“Did I behave badly just now?”
“What does he think of me?
“Will he think I'm bad/weak/bully?”
“Will he like me/hate me/hurt me/hinder me because of this?” and so on, all the time.
Again, because of the depletion of both mind and energy, it becomes difficult for a person to focus his time and attention on the resolution of important matters such as his original study and work, and the negative consequences of the latter can further lead to serious mental internal depletion.
Seeing this you may think, this is overly concerned about others, how can it be called “excessive self-focus”?
That's because “caring too much about other people's opinions” is essentially “excessive self-focus”.
Because in fact, in human nature, what everyone cares about most is themselves.
Other people don't care about you that much, nor do they pay that much attention to you.
In fact, the amount of thought that each ordinary person can and will bet on other people is really very limited and very small.
Let's say everyone has 100 points of attention, then about 50~70 points are automatically allocated to themselves, 20~40 points are allocated to their family members, partners and close friends, and less than 10 points of attention are allocated to many 'other people'.
You can ask yourself, how much do you really think about other people?
Even if you have an opinion about someone at some point, how long does that opinion last?
Do you spend every moment of every day watching someone's every move, waiting to rate and evaluate them?
How many people can your eyes and opinions really affect a single point?
The answer is no.
So, the opposite is also true, there are not many “other people” who really care about you, even if they have a little bit of opinion about you, they can't manipulate and influence you from a distance.
It's you who puts too much importance on what others think of you, and too much importance on the consequences of what others think of you.
Because, 'you imagine that others care, pay attention and influence you'. So you become fearful and worried.
This prevents you from focusing more of your attention and energy on the real and important things you need to do, which delays your progress in your studies and work, and you fall into a spiral of severe mental internal depletion.
2. Interpersonal relations of suspicion, jealousy, currying favor, a variety of interests and emotions conflicting with each other
The same period into the company's colleagues were promoted, and his work is not as much as I do, do not do the project as good as I do, why the leadership favors him?
I confessed to a guy, but he rejected me. However, I used to feel that he likes me, why?
I'm so sad, does he like me or not? Do I need to try harder?
Why does my husband only care about himself and can't see how hard I work every day, and he always thinks I'm not good enough?
All of the above.
3. High-intensity and excessive competition and peer pressure in the age of involution.
Without realizing it, we have entered the age of involution because the overall resources remain the same, but the number of competitors is increasing. Not everyone can grab the resources. People who have been working for three to five years and still earn less than 3,000 dollars a month are everywhere, and you are among them.
Once classmates and friends, has been promoted and increased salary. And you are almost 30 years old, still worrying about finding a stable job.
4. Putting more focus on uncontrollable results.
When you are given a challenging task, or faced with an area of interest you want to learn.
The first thing you do is not to familiarize yourself with the task responsibilities and understand the basics of the field, break down the challenges, and do stage-by-stage planning. But you waste all your time and energy in nervous fantasies and fears, all kinds of worries about the results, always thinking you can't do it, can't do it well.
5. Individuals with high expectations of things, high standards and strict requirements for their own, think too much and too little action!
Every day is not free, not much rest, but nothing has been done, very distressed.
Can't accept just do out of things, for example, when you see others casually put out of the article, the main information is not comprehensive, the point of view is not reliable, the example is out of reality, the conclusion is not rigorous, etc., you will think: I write better than his certainly, but never really do it to write.
Simply procrastination late patients, because of their own perfectionist tendencies, because of their own high expectations, always thinking a lot but little action, in the long run, resulting in serious mental internal depletion.
Four:
How to reduce/improve/get rid of the mental internal friction on oneself?
Everyone more or less will be troubled by mental internal friction, thus affecting the work and life, the pain, so how to do can improve on their own mental internal friction?
Targeted 5 ways, I hope to help you!
1. Overcome low self-esteem, balanced view of others and themselves, self-acceptance.
Other people are not as happy or unfortunate as you think they are, and you are not as bad as you think you are.
There are no absolutely perfect people in the world, and your goals and expectations shouldn't be perfection and absolute excellence.
Therefore, it is extremely important to revise your perception of the world, of others and of yourself, to think systematically and to see yourself in a balanced way.
Accept your strengths. Accept your weaknesses as well.
Not all 'flaws' need to be changed. Some flaws are not really a hindrance, such as introversion, so just accept them.
In short, you need to change your long-term wrong way of thinking, to know yourself correctly, to weaken the negative self-evaluation slowly like yourself, and to form positive self-beliefs.
Of course, improving self-esteem requires enough effort, and you need to remind yourself and practice often.
High sensitivity is genetic and can hardly be changed, but the benefits it brings to people are actually a gift that can be utilized.
The negative effects due to it can simply be avoided or suppressed as much as we can beforehand.
Environmentally, highly sensitive people are extremely sensitive to sound, light, and their own physical sensations. If they don't sleep well one night, they will be completely useless the next day, and will not be able to do almost anything.
Then, you can spend more time to find a suitable living environment for yourself.
Socially, highly sensitive people are often unconsciously overly concerned about the eyes and judgment of others, as well as having difficulty rejecting and counterattacking others.
You need to recognize this trait in yourself and then subjectively suppress and adjust it.
When sensitivity consumes you in the smallest of everyday things, recognize it and immediately remind yourself: stop.
Most of the time you don't have to care what others think of you.
Remember that “everyone cares most about himself”. “There are few people who will care about you in particular.
Rarely do you need to care about someone's opinion.
Highly sensitive people are naturally more attentive than others, and are better at organizing, thinking, and communicating in depth, so wouldn't it be better to consider writing, or analytical consulting related jobs?
In short, by accepting your true self, affirming yourself, looking at yourself in a balanced way, gradually improving your sense of self-worth/self-esteem, and making good use of your sensitivity gift, you can slowly reduce your mental internal conflict to get rid of it completely.
2. Look at relationships from a different perspective, and dare to express, fight and struggle.
When you hate someone, you may want to find some self-serving reasons.
For example, to observe his strengths, to see if you can learn, this may be conducive to self-improvement, will also allow you to begin to accept him.
At the same time, your attitude, it is likely that you will get a good response from him, and in the end, maybe you will become good friends with the other person.
If the other person is not friendly, then you will consider him as air and a fool.
Don't have any contact with anything other than necessary work, so as not to make yourself uncomfortable
Lastly, how do you not care too much about what others think?
Practice 'the beauty of being hated'. Accept yourself. That's enough.
Other people's expectations, evaluations, and suggestions are just references; absorb what is useful, discard what is excessive, and don't be overly concerned.
In short, don't care too much. Besides, what they care most about is themselves.
3. Find out where your passion lies and try not to engage in excessive competition.
Recognize that what the masses are looking for is not necessarily what you are really looking for.
Earn a salary that supports you.
No anxiety about going to work and enjoying every day's work.
Isn't that happiness?
In short, go find out where your passion for work lies, carve out a path of your own, take a walk, get a good night's sleep, and do what's at hand today, and that's a good life.
Of course, as a social animal, people can not absolutely do not care about the views and evaluation of others, do not participate in the competition, the problem of survival has to be solved, the social needs of the objective existence.
4. Not only obsessed with the results, pay more attention to the process, set small goals, positive action.
Psychology says that when people face a challenging task, you will fantasize about the completion of the task, which is a little motivation for you to achieve the task.
However, when you overthink the outcome, it will become your biggest resistance to start the action.
So, break the task down into small milestones and set 'deadlines'.
In this way, the initial motivation to take action will be increased, which will motivate us to take positive action to accomplish one small goal after another, thus improving the mental depletion.
5. Focus on “doing” after making a decision; action is the best way to improve mental internal friction.
Once you have made a rational choice and taken action, don't worry about anything else, just focus on “doing”.
Action is always the best way to improve mental internal depletion, is the best medicine for anxiety.
The more you panic, the more you are afraid, the more you procrastinate and do not act, the more the whirlpool of spiritual internal conflict rolls bigger and bigger.
So, act quickly.
Five:
Summary
It is very hard for those who are in the midst of mental internal friction.
Internal conflict, fighting with themselves, all the injured are themselves, but the delay is the right thing.
It's hard to think about it.
Therefore, I hope that the above answers can help you recognize yourself, improve your mental internal conflict, get out of it, and have a more harmonious and autonomous inner world, and a happier and more joyful personal life.
